I hate loving you

I don’t like you….or maybe I hate you…I haven’t made up my mind yet. How can I decide if you don’t let me know you…Allow me to contain you…permit me to predict you…make me feel you…licence me to love you…

I only want to be your daily station; at least stop here once a day to rest and maybe I can kiss you so I am able to go on through the day…..let me hold you so I can feel safe for the rest of the day..

What do I need to do if I always miss you, at work I miss you, at home I miss you, when we are together I miss you…Maybe I hate you because I always miss you….why you always have to be somewhere else, why you always have to look in all directions other than mine..Are you purposely avoiding my eyes? Are you intentionally making me redundant? Do you feel it when you look into me? Or is it the fact that you even look better in my eyes? You know that, dont you? You like that, dont you?

I searched for the truth in all your past, in what you told me about about the past, I looked for an answer in every corner of your present, the part of your present that you only shared with me…I couldn’t find a clue…do you love me? I need to know…I will hate you if I dont ….do you love me? I want to know…I don’t …..I dont know if I love hating you or I hate loving every bit of you…..

I try to contain you and you try not to pour yourself in me…I adore you and you try to be as distant as you can be…I follow you…and you try to mislead no one but me….I long for you and you have every man’s address but me…I hate you and you are the only person I can see. When I ignore you: you come running to me…I avoid you and only then you think of reaching for me…

I can’t smell you, but all my memories are soaked in your perfume, I can’t see you, but only your photos are all over me….I can’t touch you…but my senses are not working unless you’re here.

Am I in love with you or loving you is anything but real?

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